by Ella, age 6

So, the other night, I started making a music wish list.  Not for equipment, or anything, but for myself – what did I want to get out of music?  I have been working hard writing new material since the fall, and have pretty much dedicated a part of every evening to writing, singing, and rehearsing (by myself).  Moving here to Peterborough when my kids were 1 and 3, made it difficult to meet other musicians, as my hours were way different then a musicians would be.  I was exhausted, tired, and didn’t have the energy to put into music.  So, I never really met any musicians.  I have met great friends – but miss the musical community that I was surrounded by back in Whitehorse.  Well…that seems to be changing.  Last week, a friend Kirsten Addis (she is an amazing musician and is the bass player/singer for the band Dub Trinity here in town)  and I- well we put together a night at the Red Garnet called ‘Sister Songs’.  We, along with 3 other sister songwriters (that Kirsten knew) shared the evening.  It was wonderful.  And, I began to meet other musicians.  How does this link to my wish list?  Because that was on my list ‘meet other musicians’ – and now it is starting to happen.  I am really thankful.  Way back, when I first moved here, I nervously approached a couple of musicians who were playing at the local market, inviting them to come and jam at an afternoon gig that I was having later that week – but I think they thought I was looney, and now I feel really weird every time I see them (which is often, as I go to the market a lot).  They never came, and I still feel like a loser when I see them.  I am a little shy, and that took a lot of guts on my part – so then I guess I kind of gave up trying t0 meet other musicians.  I don’t know.  Anyways, what I do know, is that I am getting more gigs in town, and meeting more people, and I am really happy, and thankful.  I am so happy to be here, in Peterborough.  It is the closest ‘community’ to Whitehorse that I know.

This is how I feel…all confused.  I have had the ProTools 9 (upgraded to 10) Recording software for a few months, and I have been tweaking around with it, all to a lot of frustration.  I can think of lyrics, and rhymes pretty quickly – but when it comes to making sense about levels, and plugins, and trying to figure out why the guitar only comes out on the right side of my headphones…I have visited numerous forums to find answers to my questions, and ultimately, I don’t have much to show for all the stuff that I have been doing.  I have deleted a whole song, and I don’t know how I did that.  It was the song that I had someone help me with so I could ‘learn’ how to use Protools.  I say ‘how to’ very loosely, because this session quickly had me seeing that ProTools was going to take me a long time to figure out.  The deletion of the ‘how to’ file meant I couldn’t go back and use it to check different settings.  Yesterday I recorded a vocal track, but when I hit playback, I couldn’t hear it – but I could see the waveform, and nothing I did would let it come into the headphones.  I did consult a chat forum over that one as well.  I have not bothered listening to the track yet, as I am still annoyed.  No, it does not come easily to me, the clicking of the keys and the moving of the knobs, and actually having an understanding of what is going on.  I am trying to understand, and little by little I know it is sinking in, but it is painstakingly slow, and feels like it is going to take me forever to even have an inkling to what I am doing.  I wish I had some of that computer/engineering ‘Oh, I get it, that makes sense’ right away in me.  I can actually feel that I am using a different part of my brain that I am not used to using.  That side.  The side I have been able to kind of live around without engaging it all that much, because those things annoy me in their difficulties.  It is like how I felt when my son told me he wanted to play hockey.  I nearly fell over.  How did he find out about hockey?  Trying to sound like I had a clue about the game, before he went on the ice for the first time, all the parents were crowded in the hall waiting to get into the rink and watch their kids – I said out loud “See Cole, the Zambeezi is smoothing the ice”…I felt like I knew something…when a woman leaned over and whispered in my ear “It’s called a Zamboni, dear”…I felt so hilarious!  I still laugh about that.  Anyways – about ProTools -I am not going to give up, and I am going to figure it out.  Just not tonight.

This is it.  My creative space.  In front of my wood stove.  It is my audience every night in the winter.  Something about fire that helps me feel grounded, connected, creative.  I have lived with a wood stove for over 15 years, and I can’t imagine living without it.  Every night, after the kids have been tucked into bed, it is ‘my turn’.  I bring out my guitar, all my lyric books (many are on the go at the same time) and just start playing.  Sometimes, if I am not playing, my kids will yell down ‘Mom, when are you going to play your guitar?’.  Soon…very soon.  I find great joy in stacking the wood in the spring and summer, and then during the winter, getting bundled up to get the wood.  Oh, I think I hear the fire calling now.  Got to go get my guitar.  ’I'm coming…’

You would think it would be easy to do music, and have kids.  It is not.  I find it difficult to stay focused, when I have to focus on so many other things at the same time (shopping, cooking, hockey, dance, vacuuming, working, laundry…).  By the end of the day, I am beat. At times, music is the last thing I want to do.  But, once I start, it gives me energy, and helps release the stress from the day.  The other night while I was making up a new tune in front of the wood stove, my son yelled down “Mom, that is a really good song!”.  It is funny, how just having the support from my own kids, gives me encouragement.  They have to hear me sing the same songs over and over again, as I practice, and really figure out where I want the songs to go.  They are the reason I work so hard.  I want to show them it is possible to go after your dreams.  I have the same hope for them – that they will chase after their dreams.  Sometimes we get too caught up in the working machine, that we forget to live.  I hope I never forget.  This next chapter, is dedicated to my kids.  With all my heart.

This is what I wore

This is how the other girls (6) girls dressed ...

Saturday night, was the first time I had ever gone to see a Hip Hop show.  Well, I did hitch hike 4500 km round trip to see the Beastie Boys play in Vancouver for their Intergalactic Tour…but that was a huge stadium.  This was my first club – and it was right here, in Peterborough!  Royce da 5’9” came to town.  It was hands-down – the best show I have been to in a long, long time- if not ever.  You see, I come from a safe, folk kind of world.  So, I was a little scared.  Especially considering I was going by myself.  I booked a baby-sitter (I have wee ones), and then off I went.  I was shocked, that I got carded (it really has been years…thank you door person)…then I had to be checked with the metal detector…that is when I started to realize ‘right…in the states, people can carry guns…’ and that freaked me out a bit.  Inside, I had to get acclimatized to the heavy beat that was taking over my body.  I walked the club, sipping my water (I can’t drink…gives me a headache).  I was very aware that I was on my own, and that basically, it was filled with guys.  There were a few token girls (6, maybe).  And I stood out.  I did not dress like the other girls.  See photos.  I found that weird.  A – it was FREEZING outside (I even had long johns on) – and these girls were wearing…nothing.  I went for the music…they went for…um…well…anyways…back to the show.  There were a lot of opening rappers, and DJ’s – it was fun to listen to all the different styles – but really, I wanted to see 5’9”.  Then, a big fight broke out, and jostled me around a bit.  But, I decided to stick with the dance floor (or the standing floor, for many).  Very exciting.  Things like this never happen at folk clubs.  At one point, I needed to sit down, so I saw a nice, white bench.  I went and sat down, unaware that I had chosen to sit at the bench of one of the opening hip hop acts.  I slowly started to notice that they kept looking over at me…probably wondering why I was sitting there.  Then, the girlfriends definitely gave me the up and down a few times.  I pretended not to notice.  I eventually made my way back to the dance floor, pretty stoked that Royce da 5’9” would be on soon, and I wanted a good spot.  He did not disappoint.  He was so good – and it was neat to see him so close – like three people away!  I grooved the whole time, never stopping.  I didn’t want it to end.  He played some of his solo stuff, Slaughterhouse stuff, and some Bad vs Evil – I LOVED IT!  The only complaint I have, is that I wanted to hear MORE!  When it was over, and I got home, my son woke up (he is 9).  He was so excited to hear how it went.  He was asking if he played certain songs – and we talked about it, and I tried to tell him as much as I could.  I do allow him to listen to certain tracks (there are definitely some tracks that are not fit for his little ears) – and I always skip The Reunion on the Bad Meets Evil CD as I find the lyrics really hard to take.  All in all, I am stoked that I went to the show.  I had so much fun.  I can’t wait to see another one.  I have already scoped out the Slaughterhouse dates – but am a little cautious about attending a show in Detroit.  Is it safe?  I am seriously thinking of going to the Detroit show on April 2nd…I am double dog daring myself.  Yo.  Word.

Back when I lived in the Yukon, Joe and I recorded an album called ‘Back to You’.  Which is funny, because Joe wrote a bluegrass song called Back to You, and I took the lyrics to the song, and turned it into a a slower paced ballad.  We used to play both songs back to back.  Start with the slow, heartbreaker version, then play the upbeat, fast, bluegrass version.  It was really fun to do that.  I would post both songs, but we don’t have a recording of the Bluegrass version, which is too bad. We spent one summer touring Alaska, and played all sorts of Festivals, including the Talkeetna Bluegrass Festival (put on by bikers, we were scared to ask for our pay check- really), the Alaska State Fair (a huge fair, by the way), Wasilla Music Festival (where Sarah Pallin is from…and that festival was a drunk fest – although not for us…)…and a whole lot of other festivals and gigs.  What a fun summer.  We packed up Joe’s wood truck (I believe it was a Ford F-350…but I don’t know about trucks so I could be wrong about the number…an F-something anyhow) and we lived in the little camper that went in the bed of the truck.  Did you know, that in Alaska, you can camp for free in grocery store parking lots?  The coolest thing about all of these festivals – were the people.  We went as a duo, but somehow ended up with more players joining us as we toured around.  We hooked up with a banjo player (Gary), a dobro player (Dan), and at one point, a fiddler (I have no idea what his name was).  What I do know, is that there are amazing musicians in Alaska, and that Bluegrass is alive and kicking up there.  What fun.  I am going to post some of our tracks, so you can hear what we did.  We were more Americana then Bluegrass – but people seemed to really be drawn to what we were doing. We were also lucky enough to play the Ottawa Folk Festival, Blue Skies music Festival, Showcase at OCFF, Owen Sound Music Festival…plus others that I just can’t remember right now.  After listening to our album the other day, it still feels current.  I hope you can listen to it, after I figure out how to upload it!

01 Forbidden Kiss